The Cost of the 12 Days of Christmas in 2013

PNC Wealth Management has released the official yearly list on individual costs of items featured in the popular Christmas carol "The 12 Days of Christmas."  Don't get swashbuckled during your holiday shopping -- know the fair market price of those french hens!

Here we go!

1. Partridge, $15.  Same as last year.  Pear Tree, $184.  Same as last year.  Total investment: $199.  Less than 2 hundos for a partridge in a pear tree.  Niiiice!

2. Two turtle doves, $125.  Same as last year.  Keep in mind, you're getting two of those babies for $125.  Just imagine if it were a turtle dove in a pear tree.  You'd only have to spend $62.50.  Well, plus the cost of the pear tree.

3. Three french hens will run you $165.  That's $55 a piece.  That is a deal!  (Same as last year.)

4. Four calling birds.  Hold up, these "calling birds," or canaries as other folk call them, have presented quite the demand in 2013.  $600 for four this year, that's up from $520.  If we have to start looking at the bottom line, we might want to reconsider just how many calling birds we actually need.  Maybe replace 'em with maids-a-milking.

5. Five gold rings for $750?!?  Same as last year!  So much for the price of gold being up!

6. Six geese a-laying, $210.  Same as last year.  You really can't complain about a gift that keeps on giving.  Come to think of it, you really could just eliminate this whole expense as long as you held on to your six+ geese from last year.

7. Seven swans a-swimming, $7,000.  Same as last year.  Too much.  Way. Too. Much.

8. Eight maids a-milking, $58.  Wait.  Is that each?  Wait wait... $58 divided by 8 is $7.25.  Isn't that minimum wage?  So what, we get eight maids for one hour?!  I'm starting to rethink the whole swap-with-the-calling-birds-thing.  (Same as last year, by the way... anybody ever going to raise the minimum wage?)

9. Nine ladies dancing, $7,553 per performance.  Really?  I bet we could find some ladies to do it for half that.  Just sayin'...  By the way, that's up from last year's $6,294.

10. Ten lords a-leaping, $5,243 per performance.  A leap is a performance?  What is a lord?  Is it more interesting than a dance?  Last year, $4,767.  These better be some seriously high jumps.

11. Eleven pipers piping, $2,635 per performance.  The pipers are working for HALF of what the lords want?  No. Way.  At least these guys are offering a service as well as entertainment.  I don't even have an issue paying them the 73 additional dollars as last year.

12. Twelve drummers drumming; $2,855 per performance.  Couldn't we just spend $500 on two drummers and add some echo?  A little reverb, maybe?  Or, could we just get 12 drums for a single drummer?  Last year we got away with paying the percussionists $2,776.  I think we need to reevaluate the rising cost here.

GRAND TOTAL: $27,223 -- that's for single performances and only one hour of maids a-milking.

Who wants to go to the mall?