THANKSGIVING FACTOIDS:
Did you know that 59% of men have bought food at a store for Thanksgiving dinner and tried to pass it off as something they cooked themselves? And the thing that 13% of people are most looking forward to the most are the leftovers?

Also: 51 million turkeys will give their lives for Thanksgiving and American households will spend almost 2-and-a-half BILLION dollars on Thanksgiving dinner.

On that first Thanksgiving in 1621, not only did they serve wild turkey, but goose, duck, fish, shellfish, deer and eels!

The thing that ruins Thanksgiving the most for people?
“AWKWARD CONVERSATIONS.”
Yeah, you can stuff your face with food but once you’re done you’re doomed to actually TALK with someone. This actually bothers people about this holiday the most. Amazing.

The age of a turkey determines how it tastes. Old, large males are preferable to young toms (males) as tom meat tends to be stringy. The opposite is true for females: old turkey hens are tougher than the younger ones.

Wanna make sure your pesky relatives will NEVER wanna come back for Thanksgiving? Then serve any or all of the following:

No-Relative Thanksgiving Dinner:
1) TOFU ALL-VEGAN TURKEY
2) LIVERWURST STUFFING
3) CRANBERRY SAUCE WITH     KIBBLE
4) GRAVY THAT IS 90% OIL
5) MASHED POTATOES w/RAISINS
6) ANCHOVY JELLO
7) GIZZARD SALAD w/PORK RINDS

8) MASHED, SOUPY PEAS 
9) YAMS WRAPPED IN FRUIT ROLL-UPS
10) MACARONI & SQUEEZE-CHEESE
11) STRINGBEAN CASSEROLE w/REAL STRINGS
12) PICKLED RING BOLOGNA PIE
13) LIMBURGER SHERBET

Or, you can always turn ALL OF THE ABOVE into a horrendous-looking Thanksgiving Pizza! Yum!