My Soapbox – Being the Dumper vs. Being the Dumpee (Breakups Suck for EVERYONE involved)

This rant leads to the age old question of 'Can you actually be friends with an ex?'

So I finally know what it feels like to be the 'bad guy'... I went to a local concert tonight to support some friends bands and it's funny how you can almost 'feel' someone walk into a room before you even know they are there. My ex? or most recent guy that I seriously dated for a short period of time walked in after I'd been there for an hour or so.  This is the first time we've been in the same room since everything ended, so of course I was unable to make eye contact or even speak to him so I decided the best thing to do was to run out of the place like a kid who just had her candy stolen.

For whatever reason we just did not work out as a couple and I was the one who decided that I did not want to continue a romantic relationship with him. Now usually I am the one who is getting heart broken and crying, 'woe is me' to whatever ass wipe that won't take my heart when I decide to give it to them, but this time is different because I was actually the one who did the dumping. Insert me taking the roll of 'the heartless bitch who couldn't love the guy who was head over heels for me.'

Now fast forward to a little over a month now since we've spoke and my rant. Just because I realized I couldn't be romantically involved with the guy doesn't mean that I don't care or have any feelings towards him. And it most certainly doesn't mean that seeing him tonight didn't make me a little sad because we are no longer on speaking terms. AND just because I am the one who decided that it wasn't the best thing in the world for us to be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' doesn't mean that the time I spent with him meant nothing to me. I mean this is a guy who rode with me to get my dog when I got her. And she LOVES him. So of course now every time something funny happens with her I want to text him about it. There was a wonderful and beautiful friendship that grew out of dating him and I really miss some of the little inside jokes/things that we had together.

It became pretty clear that me trying to make a rational decision that we were not ready to be in a relationship turned me into the bad guy. Not long after our 'split' he posted some not so very nice things about me online (and I'm guilty of this when I'm hurt too, so I get it) but that still really hurt. Plus it sucks that we have a ton of mutual friends and when I told my friend tonight I'm going home because it kind of made me sad to see him she sounded surprised (again I'm guessing because in this situation I was the one who dumped him?).

Anyway my point is, just because someone is the one who does the dumping doesn't mean that they are heartless and they don't care or never cared about the person they are choosing not to be romantic with. It just means that there is something personally keeping them from moving into a deeper relationship and it sucks to back track and ignore the actual friendship or bond that was made. I really wish I could have walked up to him tonight and hugged him and asked how he was as a friend because damnit it sucks getting close to people and then losing that friendship from someone because it didn't work out romantically.

Done with my rant now!  What do you think, can you ever really be friends with an ex?